In my last post I mentioned how we got through juicing days with relative ease. When I reviewed what I wrote in my journal during that time I remembered struggling a bit one evening. I’m a little embarrassed to write so much of sugar cravings and my seemingly endless preoccupation with food. There are so many other joyous or thought-provoking topics in the world I could focus my attention on. I feel shallow and weak when I worry about it, but honestly, that’s where I’m at right now. And it interferes with my life enough that it really needs to be addressed.
Our dinner that night was green juice. Neither of us felt hungry at all and didn’t want more juice, but drank it anyway.
When we got back to our room I was having some serious cravings and wanted to drive to WalMart to get a treat. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted something sweet. It was a strong craving, the kind that takes over my mind and makes it hard for me to think of anything else. I was restless and discouraged. If I’m going to be honest I was feeling a little sorry for myself. I didn’t want to deal with cravings for the rest of my life. It’s ridiculous how much time and energy they take up and how discouraging I find this whole situation. There are so many other “more serious” struggles out there that I should just be grateful that mine is sugar and not something more destructive, illegal, immoral or expensive. I’m a very functional addict.
I was pacing around and perhaps even whining a bit. Renee offered some helpful suggestions to keep me from driving to Wally World and I ended up going for a walk around campus. It was a beautiful evening. I sat for awhile in the garden, focused on all the good in my life and felt calm. By the time I walked back to the room I felt better and the craving had gone away. Taking that extra bit of time to calm down really made the desperate feeling disappear. Maybe that’s something I should try at home. Ya think?
I’m so glad Renee’s here with me. It’s much easier to do this with a friend- except for the lack of sleep part since we can’t seem to stop talking at night! You will all be relieved to know we have solved most of the world’s problems by now. Just one more week at OHI…